As told to Mama by Kristen.

BEN: My Papa works too much.

KRISTEN: Why do you think he works so much?

BEN: So he can put money on Mama's credit card.

In the car today

BEN: I don't want to be an astronaut anymore.

MAMA: Why not?

BEN: 'Cause then I wouldn't be able to see my kids ever.

We talked for more on this: Ben has decided he would rather work for a company like Microsoft like his Papa so he can come home almost every night to see his kids.

Ben wanted an astronaut/space/NASA party. I wanted a party at home. We figured out how to make both happen.

First, the invitation:

Mission Control Specialist Serdy

Astronaut Trainee Guest

Dear Astronaut Trainee:

BLAST OFF! Commander Ben Serdy has a special mission and needs more astronauts. You have been selected to be part of the Launch Crew for a mission to Outer Space!

Mission Objective: Help Commander Ben Serdy have a Happy Birthday!

Astronauts report for duty Friday August 15, 2008.

Countdown begins at 1100 hours (11:00 AM start time).

Return to Earth at 1330 hours (1:30 PM end time).

Launch Site: Space Station Serdy.

Coordinates: [our address]

Communicate with Specialist Valerie Serdy at Mission Control to confirm your flight readiness.

Be prepared to train for your new position and enjoy snack, drinks, and cake!

Next: the decorations:

• I drilled holes in plastic glow-in-the-dark stars and strung them together with fishing line. Kristen hung them along the stairway to the basement
• I strung black and blue balloons (that Kristen blew up!) on fishing line. We hung them along the deck railing along with blue and silver stars

Next: the day of the party

Once all the astronaut trainees arrived, we sat them down to get a preview of what they were training for: they watched the lift-off scene in Apollo 13.

Then, we started our training be exercising to make our bodies strong for space. We passed out jump ropes, demonstrated how to jump and let the kids go. There was much whining: most of the kids didn't know how to jump rope and it was HOT HOT HOT the day of the party. Eventually everyone tried to jump and most kids got the hang of it enough to skip three or four or five times.

Then, we moved on to the bear crawl and the crab walk. Everyone hated the crab walk! They kept falling and the grass was really wet so we switched to bear crawl races.

After we wore the kids out (just a teeny bit) we had some astronaut snacks: freeze-dried apples, freeze-dried potatoes (they all LOVED these), and freeze-dried ice cream sandwich. Again, much love for the ice cream sandwich.

We did the string game next. Earlier in the day I tied little parachute dudes to string and wrapped the string round and round the living room. Each astronaut had to navigate the string maze to rescue their parachute guy. Mostly the kids got frustrated with the maze so we had to help them rescue their parachute men. Then they took turns dropping them off the balcony. Kristen came in with a request for a new game so we switched to the Asteroid Game. Each kid got a balloon-asteroid and had to keep the asteroid from hitting the earth. If the asteroids hit the earth, the kids all had to "become extinct" just like the dinosaurs.

Lunch next: pizza and apples. Then craft: each kid got to decorate a Pringles can I had already spray-painted white. Then it was off to the moon-rock hunt (treasures wrapped in foil). The kids ran around the yard searching for the moon rocks Kristen hid. (By the way, somehow amidst all this help, Kristen took some fantastic shots of the party!)

Cake, ice cream, and present opening followed.

Finally, the kids all shot off rockets (stomp-rockets, not the kind with any kind of ignition sequence) while waiting for their parents to pick them up.

No one wanted to leave and there was much giggling in between mild bouts of frustration. No one cried so all in all it was a fantastic party!

Sometimes, Ben gets up after bedtime to brush his teeth with his new High School Musical tooth brush that plays music for two minutes just to see if he can figure out how to get it to work.

It has taken us a long time to find a babysitter we love as much as our previous Babysitter Extraordinare but the wait was worth it. But Kristen is not only a fabulous babysitter, she is also an up-and-coming artistic Photographer Extraordinaire also. She took photos of Ben's birthday party. Want to see some samples along with some of Kristen's other work?

Visit: http://www.ktourtillottephotography.blogspot.com/

Then send Kristen e-mail if you'd like to have some unique photos taken of your family!

Because he has the body of a 60-year old man...

He gets in bed and his back hurts. So he gets up and reads a book.

He has to pee.

His feet hurt.

He has to get a drink of water.

He has to look at the moon.

Scout comes into his room twice at night to check up on him. But don't close his door so Scout can't do it.

Mason is still up and eating ice cream. Ben is spying on them.

He has growing pains.

He has growing pains again.

He's too cold.

He's too hot.

His blanket is too heavy but if you take it off, he gets too cold.

He can't find the right stuffed animal to sleep with (but he swears to me that he doesn't sleep with animals anymore).

I am so ready to install a webcam in his room to spy on him...

BEN:

I have a really big brain.

'Cause I remembered where my eye doctor was from a whole year ago.

--Said to Papa the day Ben had to give me directions to his eye doctor for his annual checkup.

His eyes are fine, by the way. Other than the red/green color deficiency.

BEN:

I wish McDonalds was as slow as Pallino's and Pallino's was as fast as McDonalds.

If a fairy gave me one wish I would totally wish that wish.

Scout the cat had surgery Friday.

They mangled him.

Scout has had a lump about the size of my little finger nail under his skin for a little while now. The vet inspected it and said it was either a mass cell or melanoma. Either way, it was some kind of cancer and had to be removed. In most cases, removing the lump is enough: no spreading, no more medicines, nothing. However, the lump does have to be removed because it can spread or release chemicals in the cat's bloodstream that makes him ill (vomiting. We're really just in this to save our carpets...).

So, we dropped Scout off Friday expecting a teeny lump to be removed. He came back with half his back shaved. Scout is technically a "medium haired domestic" cat. I am afraid what a long haired cat looks like. His hair is 2 to 2 1/2 inches long. Scout came back cold.

Scout came back with three incisions rather than just one. Scout came back with 16 stitches: the middle incision has 10 all by itself. He is now wearing a cone that is connected to his head by an ace bandage (Scout has never worn a collar).

He also came back with a morphine-based pain medicine.

Scout is very unhappy. His head seems to be constantly itchy. He begs for us to scratch his head over and over and over again. Scout is frustrated that he can't head-butt us. He now just mashes his cone head-on into us when he wants attention. Today, we leaned his cone against my face. Leaned. A lot. I didn't like having a face full of vet-smelly plastic stuck to my face but I pet the booger-boy anyway.

It's become a full-time job taking care of this cat: scratching his head, rubbing underneath the ace bandage, holding him down without touching his stitches to give him his medicine, moving his cone out of his way when he gets it stuck in the couch cushions...

He's also not supposed to climb stairs (our house has three floors), jump on anything (we have beds, couches, cat scratching posts), or scratch at his stitches. Except for the scratching, we've ignored everything else.

Scout will be a cone head until at least Friday, Aug 22.

After that, we'll get to watch the patch of hair the shape and approximate size of Utah grow back. Last time Scout had hair shaved, it all grew back gray. His backside could start looking pretty funny once it stops looking pretty gnarly...

Our diving friend Alison has a boat. She likes to water ski (when she isn't parasailing, scuba diving, delivering babies, walking a dog that weighs more than her... it's possible our friend has ADHD). Last summer, Alison invited us to go on the lake with her to watch the Blue Angels practice.

This year, we were able to take her up on it.

For those of you who don't live in Seattle, the Blue Angels perform an air show every year during Seafair. They practice Thursday and Friday over Lake Washington, closing the I-90 bridge, and perform Saturday and Sunday. There are plenty of viewing spots at parks all around Lake Washington, but I'm pretty convinced the best spot is right on the water.

Alison invited Ben and I and graciously allowed (encouraged!) Ben  to invite a friend. He chose a friend from school, Sean, and Sean's parents trusted me enough to let us take their youngest on a stranger's boat.

We had some nervousness but once on the boat, the boys had a blast. They both knelt on the back seat to turn around and watch where we'd been. We had a picnic on the water, saw the big set of dinosaur bones ensconced in someone's living room, and watched the Blue Angels practice.

At first, the planes were too loud and both boys winced and complained. Sean wrapped the neck of his life vest around his ears. So, I pulled out the massive ear protectors Steve uses in his wood shop and passed them out. The boys looked like big dorks but they seriously enjoyed the show.

At one point, the local Coast Guard stopped by and asked if we wanted free ice cream. Even with the headphones on the boys heard that! Alison's boat, being a water ski boat, is very low to the water. The CG boat slowly inched towards us until the prow, and anchor, floated gently right above my head.  The CG guy had to practically lay down over the prow to reach down to us to hand us the free coupons for Dairy Queen ice cream. Turns out our boys were wearing their life vests correctly and the CG rewarded them for that!

The practice session slowed way down as the Angels did whatever it was they did. Ben got bored and raced from the front of the boat to the back depending on whether Alison was moving the boat or not. Sean fell asleep. Seriously. Face first on the soft couches in the front of the bus. Ben had to hop over him to find a space in the front to watch.

We finally left, got gas, and headed for home. The boys kept yelling at Alison to go faster! Faster! So she did. With both boys right up front, they really felt the speed and laughed and laughed and laughed. Right up until Sean's hat flew off.

Alison slowed the boat way down to try to find the hat but right as she slowed the boat a wave came over the front, soaking Ben. Both boys ended up wrapped in towels sitting on my lap near tears: Sean for his missing hat, Ben for his soaked clothes.

And another outing successfully ended!

Thanks, Miss Alison! We all had a great time!

BEN: Whenever anyone says they're going to tell one me, I just say, "It's not me!"

MAMA: Um, OK. But if you DID do something wrong that someone wanted to tell about, you shouldn't like, you should just say you're sorry.

BEN: Yeah, but I just say I didn't do it!

MAMA: OK, but if you DID do it and you say you didn't, then it's a lie.

BEN: Well if I did it then I say sorry and sometimes I have to say it two or three times.

MAMA: OK, well sometimes you have to say sorry a few times because the other kid didn't hear it or you didn't say it nicely enough. But back to the lie thing. [and here is where Mama made a calculated attempt to manipulate her son and may have made a tactical error...] When you lie, you're on the path to the Dark Side.

BEN: But, but, but... if I say like 10 lies I'll be on the Dark Side? If I tell 20 lies, I'll be on the Dark Side?

MAMA: Um... [crap, crap, crap] I don't know how many lies, but you shouldn't say ANY lies. If you say even one lie you're on the path to the Dark Side. So you shouldn't ever lie, OK?

BEN: OK. But I've only ever told one lie. I've only ever told one lie, that's all!

MAMA: It's OK, Ben! [yes, now Mama is back-pedaling from the fear of the Dark Side she has implanted deeply into Ben's psyche...] It's OK. Just, uh, don't tell any more lies and you'll be OK.

Sometimes life doesn't go according to plan.

Tuesday, June 3rd. Steve's Birthday.

Planned Agenda

• Drop Ben off at school
• Go to grocery store. Get ingredients for dinner and cake
• Lunch with Ben after school
• Go to Fred Meyer to get Steve's birthday present
• Clean kitchen
• Clean family room
• Make bed (Steve likes a clean house)
• Make cake
• Make dinner
• Celebrate Steve's birthday!

Actual Progression of Events

• read e-mail about pond construction on nearby street. Quickly dash off e-mail once again requesting 5-foot buffer between edge of street and start of ponds, per King County requirement
• Read e-mail about bear and cub spotted in nearby backyard. Discuss bear safety (and subsequently reassure a scared Ben)
• Drop Ben off at school
• Discuss with other parents whether Ben saw the Swiss Army knife a fellow kindergartner brought in and if it bothered him at all.
• Go to bank. Open a new savings account for Steve's new underwater camera. Spend a LONG time discussing options (savings accounts aren't nearly as simple as I remember when I grew up). Sign six separate sheets of paper, pocket yet another packet of checks, and walk, in the pouring rain, from the bank to the grocery store
• Grocery store: discuss a little more about the knife with a fellow parent also getting her shopping in without her kids
• Get cake ingredients.
• Forget dinner ingredients. Backtrack to get those.
• Forget corn. Backtrack to get that (we ended up borrowing corn from a very lovely neighbor. I wanted to pay her back. Altho, I think the corn is still in my freezer...)
• Couldn't find Strawberry cake as requested; spend time on Betty Crocker site for options. Settle on banana cake; after all, we have bananas and I don't want to go back to the store...
• Meet Ben at the bus stop. He announces he wants to go the Lego store to get a present for Papa
• Receive call from friend who wants to borrow my kick-boxing gloves for a mutual friend and can I please drop them off at a third friend's house?
• Wander all three floors in house looking for gloves. Find them in the third place I look; a perfectly obvious place had I thought about it.
• Make lunch; eat lunch; pile dishes up on counter
• pile into car; drive to third friend's house to drop off gloves.
• Drive to camera store on way to mall
• pick out polarization filter for Steve's camera. drive to mall
• circle parking lot five times to find a space. listen to Ben point out which levels are full
• use directory to find Lego store
• stand in front of taped off hole where tug boat playground used to be
• wander Lego store to pick out Star Wars Legos for Steve, say No to Ben when he asks for Indiana Jones and SpeedRacer Legos.
• directory to find game store
• stop and play at ferry playground. Meant for definitely smaller kids than Ben, tho not necessarily younger
• Game store for Lego Indiana Jones. Listen to kid behind counter tell me I should pre-order Lego Bat Man so I'm not picking up one of the last copies like I am with Lego Indy. Ignore him. After all, I got Lego Indy on the release date. I'm not worried about Lego Bat Man
• Back to the ferry
• Back home
• Read e-mail while Ben looks for friend to play with. Discover Ben has been exposed to Fifth's Disease which is not dangerous unless you're in your first trimester. Think over all people we've been near the past week and forward to my one pregnant friend
• while I'm at it, forward Bear e-mail to folks who live nearby and could benefit from bear safety refresher course
• Clean kitchen. What a job. Leave dishwasher open for future dirty dishes
• Open cabinet door where cake plate is located. Scream and plant feet firmly in place when blender jar comes crashing down (only a foot) and shatters. all over the floor and into the dishwasher.
• Freeze while brain goes into stream-of-consciousness overdrive: my blender jar broke. good thing Ben's at a friend's. My blender's pretty much useless now. Wonder how much a new blender costs? Wonder if I can get a new blender jar? My blender is about 14 years old now. Do they even make parts for it? And do I even need a blender? Well, yes, 'cause I make smoothies. Would it just be easier to buy a new blender? But we're on a budget and it would be just wasteful considering the motor is perfectly good. Oh, but maybe I can get a new blender jar but what if it's only plastic? A friend from high school/college complained once he could only get a plastic blender jar which is completely useless when home-brewing illegal mind-altering drugs but if I got a plastic jar then I would be staring a giant shards and teeny bits of glass all over. Right. Must deal with broken glass.
• Deep breath. Carefully move bare feet out of blast zone and search for broom. Find it in third place I look.
• Carefully pick up giant pieces and place in shopping bag. Sweep up shards. Sweep out dishwasher. Dither about whether glass shards can be recycled. Finally decide to throw them away.
• Cut out shapes for fins and mouths out of pie dough and bake
• Finally, get ready to frost cake! Cut round cake in half, set upright on cut sides. Frost.
• Watch sadly as frosting slides down the cake between the layers pushing them apart. Apparently I added too much banana flavoring to the vanilla frosting, making it too thin.
• Scrape frosting out of space between two layers and try again. Repeat slide.
• Grumble, sigh, and stomp over to blender cabinet. Open carefully... so carefully but nothing falls over this time. Pull out glass pie pan
• Swear that pie crust is getting too browned and pull sheet out of oven. burn hand.
• Slide pieces of frosted cake into pie pan. Decorate with chocolate chips, almonds, Halloween marshmallow eyeballs, pie crust cut into shape of mouth.
• Sigh. Clean up kitchen from mess.
• 5:00. Steve calls. Start pulling out ingredients for dinner.
• 5:03 PM. Stupid power goes out. No oven to bake Campbell's Chicken Cheese enchiladas: a favorite of Steve's.
• Call Steve back (our cordless phone cut him off) and make arrangements for Taco Tuesday at Taco Bell for dinner.
• Rush around the family room to at least get ONE room clean for Steve's birthday

Simple plans just never seem to stay simple. Sigh...

By the way, this is what my cake was supposed to look like:

and this is what it ended up looking like:

BEN: Why do they put big heavy stones on dead people?

[We were driving past a cemetary]
PAPA: So they don't dig their way to the surface.

MAMA: <SMACK!>

PAPA: What? Too young for zombies?

Ben displays excellent citizenship in class. He has the ability to make positive contributions to class discussions. He is a respectful and conscientious class member. He assumes responsibility well and is well liked by his peers. He is continuing to improve the quality of his work and is increasing hsi effort.

 

We have a new couch and love seat! After ten years our old couch and love seat was sun-faded and covered in pulled threads (courtesy of Scout the Cat). The cushions no longer met flush with each other, leaving gaps for feet to get stuck. The cushion back was flattened and no longer offered any back support.

So, we got a new couch and love seat! It was just delivered Friday. My butt is so dang comfy right now.

And next Friday, my whole body will be so much more comfy! We just (sort of) bought a new bed! Our old bed, all of four-years-old, had developed body sags that were 2 1/2 inches to 3 inches deep. The pillow-top stuffing had all gathered in the middle of the bed, creating a hump between Steve and I. On Steve's side of the bed the pillow-top had shifted so that it hung about two inches over the side of the bed. Oddly, my side had not shifted at all.

So, well, beds aren't supposed to do that. We called Sleep Country, they sent out a home inspector (this is how we know all the measurements about our bed), and then the home inspector gave us a certificate to get a new bed and box springs of the same (not-prorated) value of our old bed. Wahoo!

Ben has new bedding.

We'll have new bedding after Friday (must get fitted sheets 18-inches deep....).

We planted flowers (primroses and tulips) in pots around the front of our house and we dug up sickly gross azaleas from our courtyard area.

It's like we've got a whole new house!

The bus wasn't like my daddy's car at all. It was very big inside. And the seats didn't have any cloth on them.

The little curly girl was sitting near the front. And so I  tapped on her.

"Guess what?" I said. "Mother said for me to sit here."

"No!" she said. "I'm saving this seat for my best friend, Mary Ruth Marble!"

Then she put her little white purse on the place where I was going to sit.

And so I made a face at her.

"Hurry up and find a seat, young lady," said Mr. Woo.

And so I quick sat down across from the curly mean girl. And Mr. Woo shut the door.

It wasn't a regular kind of door, though. It folded in half. And when it closed, it made a whishy sound.

I don't like that kind of door. If it closes on you by accident, it will cut you in half, and you will make a squishy sound.

The bus made a big roar. Then a big puff of black smelly smoke came out the back end of it. It's called bus breath, I think.